This week I got to do something called "hosting". I was that person when families came to drop off their missionaries to help the missionary make sure they were ready with their immunization records and didn't have a cell phone on them. And, it was my job to make Momma happy (because it's her day) and help the missionary get settled. It was so strange to think that not long ago I was that person coming out of the car with my family, being introduced to a whole different world and way of thinking. It was so much fun, and I loved it- I loved getting to know the girls, why they were here, where they were from, and where they were going. It made me think more about who I was when I stepped into the MTC and how I've changed. More on that later! (:
Recently the days have been changing, and as I've changed and focused on turning my life over to the Lord, even if just saying, "whatever you want me to do Lord, guide me."-- I've felt so good, so happy, so loving, and so so so so excited to get out and talk to people! On one of these days with no tears (yes, don't be afraid to cry- they're a blessing I promise) I caught a prideful thought pass bluntly through my mind- it didn't even try to hide! I spotlighted it like police do when chasing criminals, "How did you get here!" I'd been doing so well, life was so easy (I guess that's when you really have to worry) and life was good. I'd been trusting the Lord, right? What happened?
Well, I was reading my scriptures, asking the Lord for help. I didn't want to plateau! In my zone our branch president has challenged us to read the whole Book of Mormon while in the MTC. I'm in Helaman (yes...I've got a ways to go...) And I came across a certain scripture: Helaman 12:1-8. Boy, was I chastised. This chapter takes place when the people of Nephi went from being wicked to righteous (having had wars and famines to humble them) and then to wickedness once more within just a couple of chapters! It's a sad story, but with every sad story there's an equally- if not happier lesson in opposition. Anyways, it says, "Yea, we can see that the Lord in his great infinite goodness doth bless and prosper those who put their trust in him." Este esta verdade! This is truth! verse two continues: "...at the very time when he doth prosper his people...they do forget the Lord." I am human, we are in a fallen state because of the fall of Adam and Eve, but we've also been blessed with the opportunity to be on earth because of them as well. However, because of our fallen state, we are prone to our carnal natures. Though I felt a sadness and a repentant 'sorry' reaching out to my Heavenly Father, I also felt at the same time a burning love within my heart. God hears our prayers, he knew what I needed- and through reading the scriptures I received an answer to my prayer. And I testify that you can also get answers to your questions or concerns from the scriptures.
It might sound weird, and you might think I'm out of my mind, but I've come to love my trials. It was so hard, every single one that I've gone through, and as I've gone through them I probably didn't love them...But looking back on my life as a whole. I wouldn't take back one of them, not one. Especially the ones that have brought me to remembering my Lord. Helaman in the same chapter continues: "And thus we see that except the Lord doth chasten his people with many afflictions, yea, except he doth visit them with death and with terror, and with famine...they will not remember him."
Now, hard things happen. We're in a fallen world, bad things will happen, and this scripture doesn't mean that all bad things are the Lord chastening us. But if hard things do come our way, how much greater our joy after if we embrace it as a way to change, recognizing it as a chance for the Lord to reveal our weaknesses and then change them into strengths. And as hard times come, cry with your friends, with your family, cry to the Lord (yes, again, tears are such a blessing... a bitter sweet one), and say within yourselves, or this is what I hope to say within myself, "When I said I'd turn myself over the Lord in everything, that means even if it's through this deathly desert, this final, this sickness, this death, this time of no job- on a bad day-" I promise we will be blessed. Pray to know of the love God has for you, that's something I never really thought to do, but when you realize how much God loves you, your love for others grows. It's really cool. (: Faith has been a really hard thing for me too. I feel the struggle literally within myself. Especially with my logical math loving half of me shouting, "That doesn't make sense!!" Then my more fluffy angelic (maybe a little more small, but strong) faith side tackles the obstacle, "No it doesn't, but it doesn't have to!"
Now... back to the change that I've seen in me... I had an interview with one of the brethren in the Presidency of my zone. He asked me about my mission, what I thought about it, how I've changed.
"It's a lot different than I thought it would be."
"How so?" He asked.
I thought for a second, unsure how to answer. "Well... Everyone tells you it's hard, and you expect it to be hard...It's like... It's like someone trying to explain what a food tastes like before trying it. It's just not the same."
"Now that you've tasted it, what does it taste like?"
I felt a warmth within my heart, tears brimming and I tried to hold them back. Finally struggling through my emotions, ones of love, emotions that knew I would never trade my mission for anything, a scripture came to my mind. Alma 32.
"It is delicious to my soul."
My brothers and sisters of our Heavenly Father! I love this, I love every moment of it- maybe not in the moment, but I'd never take anything back. I will never deny my God. I testify that the Book of Mormon is a true book of God, with the fullness of God's light. It is the very proof that Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God, and that he did see God the Father and Jesus Christ. And I promise that if you read it and pray, and ask God- he WILL give you an answer, he's promised us so!
Oh- and yes, I've made you wait to the very end of my letter. (: I got my reassignment in the USA while I wait for my visa for Brazil! Drum-roll please.................. I'm going to Lansing, Michigan!!!!!!! I'm so excited! AH! I don't have a new address yet, but I leave this coming Wednesday morning. I can't wait to serve people and make the people of Michigan smile.
Thank you all for your love and prayers! I'm praying for you! And thank you for your letters- as soon as I get to Michigan I'll be replying to some that I've received recently. This P-Day has been crazy and haven't had a lot of time. Just know I love you all and LOVE hearing from you and the spiritual experiences and big steps in life that you're taking.
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