Picture a chandelier. One as large as four stoves, or larger when stacked together. Now wrap the golden tusks with finer sized crystals, individual rectangular prisms hugging the frame, all the way around it. Crystals protecting it from the world, in the shape of a large oval tear. It hangs alone in the room and immediately demands to be the center of attention. It reminds you, maybe, of the sun, large and powerful. This you can stare at for hours and hours. Multiple flecks of color reflect off of the prisms, depending on how you look at it, like gems hidden in a cave wall. Has it captivated you? It has me. Nothing can be more beautiful and pure, as if angels themselves had carved the jewels themselves.
I was in a devotional on Sunday (Sundays and Tuesday devos are the best). The district president's wife was speaking and shared a poem. "Washed Clean" by Boyd K Packer. It's beautiful, I encourage you to try and find it, it can help you realize and understand the importance and love of the Savior. The rest of the week went by with hard things like learning the language, and trying to teach in a language I can't speak. Through that I kept getting swept up and picked up as I tried to understand what charity was, and what the Savior really meant to me. In another devotional where the Mission President was the speaker I think... He shared a story, I don't remember if it was his own or quoting, but it was about a dream where the man was with his Savior, Jesus Christ. When Christ was about to go, leaving with some others, and leaving him behind he threw himself at the Savior's feet. "Don't leave me! Take me with you!" A gentle smile and warm, goodbye for now tone, as the Savior replied, "That's entirely up to you."
After this devotional I walked out, again my thoughts on the Savior, how I can turn outwards- have charity. I thought about God, Jesus Christ, and could feel the Holy Ghost stirring my heart, whispering and hinting at answers in my thoughts. On the way down some stairs I felt prompted to look up. There above me- as I descended down steps, was a painting of my Savior. The very familiar one depicting him in the sky, his hands open, red sash, in brilliant but plain robes. His eyes seemed to be looking straight through my eyes into my heart. I was passing under the picture now, but I could still picture it, and in my mind I threw myself at the Lord's feet, thanking him over and over. Me in the clouds, clutching the bottom of his robes like the beggar that I was, "Please don't forget about me, don't leave me." As clear as the crystal in the chandelier, a scripture came to my remembrance, 1 Nephi 21: 15-16 "yet I will not forget thee, O house of Israel. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me."
I felt like a little child, chastised, but I really felt like he was near. His love for me engulfed me, but more so the love he had for the whole world seemed to fill me up. I felt like Nephi when he says, "He hath filled me with His love, even unto the consuming of my flesh." Ah! I feel like there's so many things I'm learning here that it fills my cup over, there can't possibly be room for more.... Hahaha, then I'm humbled, my pride a little more removed, and somehow there's enough room.
Clinging to this thought, bowing myself in humility, I knew he knew the desire of my heart, though I dare not say it aloud. Take me with you! And the reply, "That will entirely depend upon you." Yes, the Lord has done so much for us, but we can not depend on his grace alone, faith is an action word! I've learned this over and over, and hopefully by the end of my life I'll understand it more. I don't understand everything, but I do know this- staring at the painting of Christ, I knew nothing was more beautiful then that man in the clouds. He is more beautiful than crystals in the earth, more beautiful than the sun lighting up the trees and the birds singing good morning, more beautiful and powerful than Niagara Falls... even more than that of my chandelier.
I love my mission, two weeks! Even when my companion and I got locked out of the door (we were just going to the bathroom!) Having to run our other sister missionaries down for a key, then running back again. Even when things get hard. I promise that the hard things make life better, as much as that doesn't make sense.... It depends on you! Like my father said to me in an email, "especially our attitude". We got to play beach volley ball with our shoes off<3 it's the simple things in life, laughing, having fun- then getting down and working!
Thank you for all ya'lls support! I love you all family and friends. Keep up in life, SMILE! (This is me and my companion's eternal goal for our lives- SMILE!)
Love,
Sister Duncan
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