I was having a hard day.... one of these days this week (they really do just blend all together). I was trying to learn Portuguese and be happy about it. I absolutely love the English language and expressing myself in it- so not only learning it, but wanting to learn it. But this one day was especially hard because yesterday had been so good- you know those days? And I went into the bathroom and came back out to have my companion talking with another sister. She looked wary and confused. Later she told me that the sister (who turned out to be a teacher of sorts) had come up to her and said, "Sister Dabelko?" Yes, that's me. "Oh, are you waiting for Sister Duncan out here?" Yes... And in her thoughts she was wondering, "How in the world do you know my companion's name???!" And thus I came out and she was a deer in headlights. "Oh good, come along, let's find a room." For what??! Finally she sat us down and said that she wanted to help us with our Portuguese... That our teacher said that we were doing good, but that we needed some confidence or something. "So tell me a story!" In Portuguese? "Yeah." We both looked at each other then at the floor in silence... I couldn't think of a story, let alone even begin thinking about it in Portuguese. Long story short- I felt overwhelmed and tired, and wondering if we were those black sheep of the fold, the ones that needed a tutor. Hah.
Then I went to the gym, went running and blew off some steam, all the time with a prayer in my heart for comfort. After running I went to the weight machines. I sat down and got settled, grabbed the handles with my hands and pushed. Have you ever run into a pole before? Or watched a bird fly into a window? I felt like a swimmer in a water, blissfully enjoying under the water and the silence- when suddenly you hit the wall of the pool that you didn't know was there. OOMPH! Haha, the weights I was trying to push didn't BUDGE! I looked over and laughed out loud. The peg on the weights was set for the very last and heaviest weight. I felt silly, but pulled the peg and moved it over and made a "Duh" sound under my breath. "I'm not nearly there yet." I moved the weight to something much lighter that I could handle. "That's where I'm at." Then I started thinking about the elder (or, I'm sure it was an elder) that had used the machine last. I didn't feel jealous at all, he was just clearly stronger at this one thing than I was. Then I immediately felt a whisper in my head, "And where are you at in Portuguese?" Ahhw! I felt like something clicked, and I smiled at my thoughts. I really can't compare my Portuguese to anyone else's grasp of the language. Just because I can't push the weights that someone else has done, doesn't mean I should despair and give up! No, it means I should move the peg to my level, and work to be able to one day lift those weights... Though... Physically, I'm okay not lifting that many weights...
Besides the language of Portuguese, there's a language that is more important, and we ALL need to learn it! It's the language of the Spirit... I've learned so much about trusting God, really having faith... One day I was going into the door of the building to our class room (this is basically where we live) when I stopped and listened. Chirps... What? I looked up, and there in the overhang, tucked in- was the makings of a nest. I could only see the edges of the nest and twigs hanging off the side, but I could hear the birds, and I knew that there was a little nest of baby birds. I realized that I had seen birds fly in this direction before, but I had never thought to look and listen- never thought that there could be anything there worth seeing or hearing. So it is with the Holy Ghost, or Holy Spirit- we won't be able to know of the unseen things without his Spirit, without listening and searching. When it comes to people and their needs- when we want to help, we really can't know what they really need. People like to hide things. Like the momma bird hid her nest in an obscure and safe place, so do people hide their feelings. And who doesn't feel sometimes, "Who knows what I'm going through? Who knows how I feel? Who knows where I'll be in a month? A year? Who knows if I'll make it through this sickness? Who knows if I can handle this test in my life? Who knows if I can really be happy? Who knows if I can speak Portuguese?" God knows! God knows everything, and He's in every little detail! We're not alone, and he doesn't want anyone to feel alone. If we are attentive to the Spirit and ask God to know what to say or ask people, People may open up, or have little pieces of revelation- so we can be the tool in God's hands.
We have this investigator (in the MTC our teachers act like people they knew on their missions, and we practice getting to know them and teaching them) that we were having a really hard time with. It didn't seem like he was interested (kept falling asleep, not listening) no matter how involved we tried to get him or how we asked him questions or cared about him. That's when we realized... We've been asking him questions, but us just asking questions and speaking words without God's help- is useless! My companion asked a question, and all of a sudden, he was expressing his own testimony and committed to be baptized. We were a little baffled and confused- and excited all at once. What I learned was that God cares about everyone- EVERYONE! and he knows EVERYTHING, and I don't know everything, but I'm so glad He's on my side- because He makes up for all my faults!
Life in the MTC is awesome! I love my district (it's how we're split up- here it's each classroom is a different district). I love the people here. I don't have my visa yet, which means I'll get reassigned next week to somewhere in the USA! I'm so excited! Disappointed I won't be in Brazil anytime soon- but it'll be soon on God's watch I'm sure. I love you all and thank you for your letters! My prayers are with you all.
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